Sometimes you just get a sense of the bad girls from a mile away. The new server at Nairn has been flirting with me a fair bit, and tonight told me I have something that would fit in her mouth. This was the third time we've ever worked together. The side of me that wants to get laid is screaming about what an easy opportunity this is. The side of me that wants to improve reminds myself that this is how I always get in trouble.


So, once again, it's the combo of spankwire and my right hand to take away my worries.


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Venting

So, tonight I was a little off my game at work. I don't really know why, but I just could not get it together. I babbled like an idiot with my first table. As for the group I was helping, oh man. They were a pretty great group, but I kept making mistakes on orders and getting seats and people mixed around. Almost caused another server to spill two dinners all over the place. All that aside, I still got a pretty good feeling off of them. Then towards the end of the meal the managers came over to remind the table they had to be out at quarter to eight. That pissed more than a few of them off and ended up with me getting stiffed pretty badly.


Couldn't focus, couldn't get myself back together, couldn't function. It fucking sucked. Ended up giving away another table of mine and a group I was supposed to help out with. Got the GM pissed at me, but he was pissed at everything tonight so no big deal there. Just generally didn't pull my weight or do as well as I know I can. That's probably what's bugging me the most. I know I can do an awesome job. I get good tips and lots of compliments most of the time, and I never back off when they ask me to do something. That means tomorrow I have to be extra good to make up for the shit that went on tonight. The GM was joking before he left that this night was worse than getting punched in the balls. I have a feeling he'll be having some drinks and doing some venting on his own.


Well, with that out of the way, let's see what else I can type about to kill time. Lately I've been making a concentrated effort to slow myself down a bit and not get so worked up over little things. I'm basically good at doing this, but with the extra stress of the holiday season building up, and the fact that my depression always works it's way out when winter hits, I thought some extra effort would be required. I'm re-reading Ancient Wisdom, Modern World to help guide me. The other day I even did a search of Buddhist groups in the area to see if that might catch my interest. One of them was a Pure Land sub division, and another was a Tibetan group. Of course, there was also a Zen group, but I might have to work my way into that later on.

I've been wary of exploring my spirituality after my experiences in the Baptist Church as a child. From the time I was, oh, 6 or so my parents started taking an interest in finding a church in Brandon. By the time I was 8 we had started going to a baptist church, and I enjoyed bits of it for a while. They had this kids group for memorizing bible passages were they gave out awards and such, combined it with some games and exercise. I liked that for the structure and because I had a very sharp memory and enjoyed testing it. And, being an 8 year old kid, I didn't think much about what was being said in the church. By the time I was 14 I had a much better idea of what was going on. I also was able to make a decent enough argument with my parents that I didn't have to go to church anymore. That was about the same time everyone else decided they'd had enough to.

So. Long story short, it was spiritually and culturally restrictive and we wasted a lot of time there. Honestly, not what a church should be. Any faith which meets and listens to an [insert appropriate name here] gave me the willies. Gotta get over that and expand my spirit. It's as important as any other aspect of myself, so that means I need to explore and accept it.

I've also had few opportunities to expand myself mentally since leaving university. Granted, I didn't do well either time I was there, nor did I apply myself as I should have or would have if I had been calmer. Oh well. Reading more is one of the ways I'm trying to keep the mental juices flowing. Starting my course in the fall will really help that out. So many latin names for various parts of the body that require memorization. Should be fun.

First post~!

Well, this is another attempt at having a blog. The livejournal I used to have fell out of use as many of the friends that I kept in contact with using it have moved to facebook or myspace. Instead of a social network, this blog will be a semi-private location for my ramblings. Maybe I'll have something interesting to post now and then, but more often than not this is just a dumping ground for thoughts that don't fit anywhere else.


The title of my blog is an amalgamation of different user names that I have used in the last 5 or so years. I thought that would be the easiest way to find a name that wasn't taken.

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